Well, it’s been over a year now and there remains some disconnect in the way Mary and I try to bring this family of men together. As they say, it’s like herding cats when it comes to trying to get 2 different groups of boys to co-exist. The age gap in the boys is real and their interests make it more interesting to evolve. One group of boys drive, have jobs and have girlfriends. The other group need video games, Tweener TV shows and endless supply of support just to comb their hair. I have seen the transition before and know that one set of needs does eventually lead to the other but not today.

The challenge for us is getting a diverse group of young men to move the mountain in the same direction. It would be nice if they TRIED to co-exist in this house but the hands of time make that a dream more than reality. Given the chance, the older boys will vanish to their downstairs bedrooms to stay clear of the younger boys. The younger boys have nothing in common with the older boys except their desire to pick up the bad words and terms that give them a leg up on their friends at school. So what do we do with this?

Here is what I do know. This takes work, a lot of work. We also need our share of patience, compassion and cajoling to convince some glimmers of bonding between them. You see it at the strangest time too. Suddenly, the entire group is standing in the kitchen listening to one of them tell a story and you realize that this can work. Another day, they all end up outside shooting baskets and you think, they are all the same. And they are. Mary swears they have a cult that requires them to piss on the toilet seat for her benefit. That same club requires them to struggle to fold their clothes, put their dishes away and yell continuously throughout the day. These dudes are charter members of this club but I wish they would just try to appease Mary and I with the odd board game night or possibly a Sunday dinner.

I didn’t do a very good job insisting on those little moments of family bonding as my boys developed. I used the time we spent doing homework or playing basketball to bond. Mary has a chance to correct this in the younger dudes and is sticking to her guns on many things. Trying to get them on the same page at the same time, not so much. It remains frustrating and it seems that the hill only gets steeper as the outside influences take over their collective lives.

I’m sure our issues are common in this dynamic and time-poor lifestyle. Many families have this dilemma whether their boys span an entire decade or more. Take a note from me. Dig in early on the little moments with the kids and make it a part of their routine. Had I done this early, I might have been able to continue some form of the traditions today. For now, I will continue to schedule random dinners and try to bring the group together for small moments of family bliss. I will continue to fight to have them stay involved in this union and hope more so that I can alter their future fate when they come through this path with their own kids.

 

Monopoly anyone?

Marco