Losing with grace is a true gift

I hate to lose. No I really mean it, I really hate to lose. You know the saying from the great Ricky Bobby. If you ain’t first, you’re last! Words to live by.

I know this is a common theme amongst competitive people roaming the Earth but I am a first class, sore loser. I’m not a total degenerate here as I will not do anything to win. I am not the person who will cheat against his kids on board games, peek during hide and seek and have the proverbial card up my sleeve. I will try and out work and out think any opponent, in my way between victory or defeat. Why? Because the sting of losing is unbelievably painful to me and I think it gets more painful for me as I get older.

It totally makes sense to me that I hate to lose in games where I am playing in. I still play sports to win and don’t lose well. (Here’s my footnote where I disclose that my men’s league basketball team has lost close to 80% of its games in the past 7 years and although it still sucks to lose, you get a little used to it) Here are my Mount Rushmore of things that still surprise me about how hard I take losing (of all kinds):

  1. Losing games my kids play in.

I am so invested in these games and ride the ups and downs more heavily than the boys certainly do. The car ride home is particularly bad for me where I am replaying the final moments of any game, trying to learn something that I can teach them from the defeat. The truth is I am only consoling myself as invariably the boys are already over it and are more adjusted to the loss than I am.

2. Losing games my favourite teams play in

God forbid the Steelers, Celtics or BlueJays are playing for a championship, as this only ramps up the pressure and emotions for me. I have zero control over what happens not matter how hard I cheer. That doesn’t stop me from riding the rollercoaster of emotions as the game turns on me. I know there are worse fans than I am (like the dude who punches his TV after a loss. TV’s don’t like that much) but I am no fun to be around after a loss.

3. Losing my mind in a situation

I love confrontation in any form. I really do love it and enjoy the moment but every once in a while it lose it. I love the art of sparring verbally with someone and arguing your point vs mine. My worst nightmare is someone who calmly just stares at you and won’t spar with you. They want you to lose your mind over the silence of it all. Those are the moments when I blow my stack and it makes for an ugly scene. I have lots to learn from those who can master the art of the negotiation without snapping.

4. Losing something that matters to me

We have all lost our keys at some point in life. Nothing pisses me off more when I lose something that I really should be mindful of. When it happens to me, I am overcome with a phenomenon I call “Panic blindness”. I can’t tell you how many times I have ranted over something that I think should be right in front of my nose, only to have Mary point out that it really is under my nose. She does it in such a gloriously calm way as if to say, “here it is dumbass!” Nothing brings you down to Earth faster than a humbling experience searching for your keys, wallet, phone, etc with my Mary.

Losing comes in various forms, all of which are painful and educational, if you chose to embrace the moment. If I didn’t love the thrill of the victory so much, I would run and hide from the losing and the kick in the nuts it represents.

Marco

 

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