There is no doubt to anyone who is a parent, that it is a lifelong responsibility. Speak to your grandparents about the evolution of worries that occur throughout your life when it comes to the care for your kids. The dynamic of letting your kids go and be adults has it’s own fears, separate from the fears you hold trying to get them though the first 18 years of their lives. There is a responsibility we hold and I hold the responsibility to turn 4 four young men into great men in this world.

I am blessed to have 4 boys in my life, 2 that I helped create and 2 that I’m luck that they have come into my life through their amazing mom. They have a great dad in their life too but being the younger siblings in a larger family changes the dynamic for them here. They are learning and absorbing from the older boys, good or bad, in every situation. As the father in this house I have to navigate the difficult situations that arise daily in this place, I don’t always make the right decision but I make the best one I can.

With an age range of 23 down to 11 years old, there are some varying levels of conversation in the course. Here are my simple (really is anything simple with boys) rules of engagement with these knuckleheads:

The Older Boys need to respect the Younger ones

This has been easy as they have enough of an age gap that they have different interests at this point. They aren’t competing against each other for anything and don’t cross over with one another. They all play basketball now and have that bond but don’t need to prove they are better than each other. In their own way, they respect each other.

Be Who you Are

They have many common interests and many that are diverse. Some are driving, some are learning and some are no where near that. Some have girlfriends and others do not. They all are different in their ways and you have to encourage that to come out.

Respect one Another and your Parents

This one is a tough one for me. There is ALOT of man talk in this house and it is dripping with attitude and bravado. I like to encourage their freedom of communication, no matter how aggressive it has to be expressed. It leads to confrontation with Mary and I and often feelings get hurt between parents and kids but expression is the best way to get feelings out and sometimes we just need to take one on the chin for it. I try to make sure that respect stays within the context but it’s pretty free-flowing when it happens.

Do Your Part to Contribute

Mary is the master of this one as she has found ways to keep these guys doing their own work around the house. They should help more than they do and I still seem to be the only one who knows how to use a lawnmower but they do their part. Fold your laundry or do your own. Make dinner once a week for everyone. Walk the dogs. Put your damn dishes in the dishwasher! Every once in awhile they even help each other with basketball, schoolwork or even life advice.

Find common interests

There are 2 big ones in this house: basketball and video games. The first one is easy as they get outside and play, with or against each other. There is some cross-training and a lot of shit-talking to each other is they make a mistake. There is no mercy if you are young or old (in my case) so figure it out. Video games is more fascinating as they all play roughly the same games and they are all a different “rank” in the games. Age means nothing here and they are constantly picking each other’s minds on what works. We have 2 separate internet providers in this house for a reason as 4 Xboxes and 4 streaming phones (at the same time!) crews through a bunch of gigs of data.

Curb your Bad Influences

We have all done it and are all guilty of it.  We ask of each other that we curb those bad influences around one another. No drugs, no excessive drinking, limit the swearing and no girls sleeping over. No small task with these guys around but we try very hard to live to this.

So what does it all mean?

We are not your typical family. We are a blended family that works very hard to make this one family, even too exhaustion for Mary and myself. As the oldest man in this house, I have a responsibility to be the best of them all and I am no bowl of peaches some days. I struggle to bring the energy to the boys that they need, to teach them and guide them. That energy has to come from somewhere and there is only so much to go around. What I have learned is that you don’t need to make big impacts in their lives when it’s really the small ones that make up the fabric of who they are. Talking to them about their day at school, a small congratulations for something they did, a recognition for putting their dishes away, or giving them an extra 15 minutes to play their game before shut down makes the bigger impact. Above all, boys are an emotional sort and you have to allow that expression, even at the peril of what you get from it. I need to be the main referee of those event and often I have to step in and be the lightning rod for their madness.

That’s the role a dad plays the lives of their sons. We teach and coach, lecture and referee, argue and listen, yell and wrestle. Above all, try to hug your boys and tell them what they mean to you as this will go the furthest towards turning them into the kind of men who will become future great fathers.

Happy Father’s Day everyone.