Mary and I spent a fantastic 10 days in the Bahamas this month. It was wrapped around my pharmacy conference and it is always a tremendous time spent with friends we like a lot. It was special for another reason, I asked Mary to marry me.

The decision to ask her was an easy one. There are very few women I have ever met know can carry the attention of an entire room without being the complete centre of attention. People want to be around Mary and she makes people comfortable to hang with her. She is one of the most caring and committed women I know and she always, always wants to do the right thing for people she cares about. She has completely captivated my attention for 4 plus years and I am so thankful that she keeps me in line and makes me laugh while she does it.

The process in getting to this point was not as simple. When you are young and poor, you just make it as special as you can. The ring isn’t really as important as the event itself. You need to find a kitschy way to pop the question. As you get older and have a redo, you want to make sure that the details are looked after. The event is not as gimmicky and the ring and the details need to be on par. The challenge starts with trying to find the right ring in a world of diamonds. Let’s be clear, women like bling and not necessarily the bigger the better. Mary and I did a thorough search of  jewellery stores and the inter web before she found one she liked. Then I had to surprise her by buying it and keeping it on the down low. I successfully navigated those waters and the ring looked great when I received it. Next was a plan for launching this at her.

We had this trip planned for the Bahamas and what would be a better place than that. I really had no idea how I would find the moment but was committed that this was the time. We planned for a secured beach walk on one of the first days and this seemed this my chance. I shoved the ring in my shorts and held her hand down the beach. I figured I should take a few pictures of that beautiful morning on the beach and tried to capture some of the moments, for posterior sake. Then the moment arose.

I did what any self respecting dude would do. I dropped to a knee and presented the ring. I found out later that she thought I had hurt me knee, which wouldn’t have been a shock at this advanced age. I think I shocked her that it was happening at that moment. I’m sure she knew it was coming at some point but that day was not on her radar. I was the man!

Now I will tell you that Mary has reminded me several times since that day that she has never really said yes. She did cry and hug me which in man land means yes but in Mary land means some fun at my expense. She has told me a bunch of times since that day that she never really said yes, but I know those eyes. She is happy with me even though she will remind me for years (and every time I piss her off) that she never said yes. I know better, she is going to be my wife.

After the obligatory posting on Facebook and subsequent phone calls to family who are computer illiterate, we are engaged. We started a week long celebration with friends that was a nice treat to a great moment. In our quiet moments, we spent some time thinking about plans for the wedding but we need time to think out that next moment. For now, I have had to adjust my terminology from calling Mary “my wife” to “my Fiancee”. It feels really nice to say that. I’m sure we will have our moments while we plan this event but I plan to enjoy it. I love this woman. Nite babe.

Marco

Well, it’s been over a year now and there remains some disconnect in the way Mary and I try to bring this family of men together. As they say, it’s like herding cats when it comes to trying to get 2 different groups of boys to co-exist. The age gap in the boys is real and their interests make it more interesting to evolve. One group of boys drive, have jobs and have girlfriends. The other group need video games, Tweener TV shows and endless supply of support just to comb their hair. I have seen the transition before and know that one set of needs does eventually lead to the other but not today.

The challenge for us is getting a diverse group of young men to move the mountain in the same direction. It would be nice if they TRIED to co-exist in this house but the hands of time make that a dream more than reality. Given the chance, the older boys will vanish to their downstairs bedrooms to stay clear of the younger boys. The younger boys have nothing in common with the older boys except their desire to pick up the bad words and terms that give them a leg up on their friends at school. So what do we do with this?

Here is what I do know. This takes work, a lot of work. We also need our share of patience, compassion and cajoling to convince some glimmers of bonding between them. You see it at the strangest time too. Suddenly, the entire group is standing in the kitchen listening to one of them tell a story and you realize that this can work. Another day, they all end up outside shooting baskets and you think, they are all the same. And they are. Mary swears they have a cult that requires them to piss on the toilet seat for her benefit. That same club requires them to struggle to fold their clothes, put their dishes away and yell continuously throughout the day. These dudes are charter members of this club but I wish they would just try to appease Mary and I with the odd board game night or possibly a Sunday dinner.

I didn’t do a very good job insisting on those little moments of family bonding as my boys developed. I used the time we spent doing homework or playing basketball to bond. Mary has a chance to correct this in the younger dudes and is sticking to her guns on many things. Trying to get them on the same page at the same time, not so much. It remains frustrating and it seems that the hill only gets steeper as the outside influences take over their collective lives.

I’m sure our issues are common in this dynamic and time-poor lifestyle. Many families have this dilemma whether their boys span an entire decade or more. Take a note from me. Dig in early on the little moments with the kids and make it a part of their routine. Had I done this early, I might have been able to continue some form of the traditions today. For now, I will continue to schedule random dinners and try to bring the group together for small moments of family bliss. I will continue to fight to have them stay involved in this union and hope more so that I can alter their future fate when they come through this path with their own kids.

Monopoly anyone?

Marco

There is just not enough time in the day. Or the week or the year for that matter. I am perpetually looking for more minutes in my day and hoping that I can use them productively when i find them. The problem is, more often than not, I do find those minutes but I’m afraid that I don’t always use them for the best use.

It’s a struggle for me to take a deep breath and smell the roses. I am a very driven individual who tries to make valued use of the day that is presented. I had someone, many moons ago, teach me that lesson. She worked in a restaurant and described to me that she never brings a plate of food out without bringing back to the kitchen with her. It would be a wasted trip otherwise and your day would become an inefficient mess. She was right. I have lived to that motto my entire life and have become very comfortable multitasking within anything I am doing. My issue continues to be, should I be multitasking in everything I do? Can’t I just focus on one thing or one person at a time?

This makes relationships difficult, especially those who know me best. Mary and the boys know that that’s who I am, even to the point of laughing at my desire to be cleaning the floors while watching a movie. Or emptying the dishwasher while eating my breakfast. I wish I could just sit and relax. It would serve me so much better to be more involved in the moment, rather than thinking about what I should be doing to be productive. I want to be that person but this efficiency has become ingrained in me for a long time now and the habits are very tough to shake.

My goal is to try and give myself more to those who need me. I need to become more focused on them and their story while remaining engaged in the moment. The rest will wait and still be there when the moment is gone. Life passes you by very quickly if you choose to let it. I need to have those conversations with the boys that they need as young men. I need to make time to work with them on their issues and walk through what it takes for them to navigate their ever complicated world. I know what needs to be done but can I do it?

More importantly, I need to devote that time to Mary. She is such a vibrant woman with great ideas and grand plans in this world. Not being focused on her is not only an injustice its plain stupid on my part. She has so much to teach me that I really need to know but I won’t learn it without some focus on that time. These are some of the best moments in my year, simply listening to this dynamic woman wow me with her knowledge and energy. Why must I be wiping the countertops while she is regaining me with her day?

The answer lies with me, as it does with most things in ones life. I need to smell those roses more and more. I have to realize that I just can’t do it all nor accomplish it all. It’s ok to not be productive at all times. It is most important to stop and listen, and in turn communicate with those around you who grace you with their attention. Most things in life can actually wait for a few minutes and most people can effectively understand those rare moments when it just cannot wait. It goes without saying that your phone or electronics only add to the difficulty. Find me a successful person and they will show you how important that tool has become to their world. There are a million articles written on that topic and all of them say that you should put the damn thing down. They all lead to the same problem for me. Those roses just won’t be there forever.

Take a note from a chronic multi-tasker, when you find people that bring you roses, there is nothing more efficient than smelling them over and over and over. That’s what they are there for.

Marco

Another Thanksgiving is upon us and it’s another opportunity to list some things that are most important to you. Here are some of my reflections on this day:

1. I’m thankful for Mary. She has entered my life like a whirlwind of energy and she makes me so thankful to be alive. She is the most wonderful person I know and I can only hope to be as supportive to her as she is to me. You know how there is that person in your life that you look to for every emotion you are in need of. That’s Mary! I’m not sure where I would be without her holding my hand in life. I love you Mary.
2. I’m thankful for my boys, and Mary’s boys too. These young men challenge me daily to be a good mentor for them and they teach me so many things about them and myself everyday. I’m thankful that I can be some small part of making them into great men one day. Peace out boyz.
3. I’m thankful for my job. This one might not make most people’s list but it does mine. I am honoured to work with and for the customers and staff of my company. We make a difference to people and I am thankful that I can represent their passion for greatness. I am so thankful to have tremendous partners who make this business a joy for me daily. There are more good days than bad every year, for sure.
4. I’m thankful for my Dad, brother and sister. I don’t get to be with them enough but they are the people who have made me who I am today. They remind me of all the things I need to be in this world. Love you all.
5. I’m thankful for my mom. She is in a better world now but she was the person who shaped me. She was always there for us and her ability to communicate has inspired me to be better than ever. Those who knew her, will always remember knowing her and that’s a hell of a tribute. Love you Ma.
6. I’m thankful for basketball. It was and remains one of the singular moments of joy that I have experienced. Nothing feels like the joy of winning and the pain of a loss. I still play weekly and stay involved in the game to pass that joy along to others.
7. I’m thankful for my health. Like us all, we put ourselves through stupid pain and suffering. We should treat our bodies as temples but beer and wine taste so damn good. Hopefully I can drag another 50 years out of this body but I’m thankful for where it’s got me so far.
8. I’m thankful for Calgary. This city and it’s people have given us a home and family. It’s a tremendous city that is underrated amongst the best. There are better cities in the world but not one that means as much to me. Thanks 403.
9. I’m thankful for sports. The world of sports has given me so much joy since I was a young boy. Even though my beloved Celtics, Steelers and Blue Jays have lost far more than they have won in my life, those championships have been so sweet. I’m thankful that they continue to grab my heart and my imagination.
10. I’m thankful for commerce. Where would the world be without effective commerce driving decisions on how we manage our finances through buying and selling. Commerce is a good thing and we should all thank our forefathers for the creation of the free-market system.
11. I’m thankful for the internet. I know it has it’s warts but man this thing is awesome. We totally take this for granted but name the things you couldn’t live without in this world. Food, water, shelter and internet. Nuff said.
12. I’m thankful for Mexico. And the Bahamas, and Jamaica and Hawaii and everywhere where the temperature makes us forget the world of winter. I am so blessed to be able to get a break from the cold during the winter and I’m thankful that these places exist.
13. I’m thankful for Sirius Xm radio. I get so much joy from the eclectic variety of music and talk radio that I absorb everyday. It is quickly creeping into my Mount Rushmore of things I couldn’t live without in my life. Thanks Yacht Rock and Mad Dog Radio.
14. I’m thankful for those slow moving moments in bed on Sunday mornings. As the kids have found a need for additional sleep in the morning, I now enjoy those slow moving Sunday mornings more than ever. They are a great replacement from a long week or getting up too early.
15. I’m thankful for the gym that gets me out of bed the other 6 days of the week. Without that purpose, I would struggle to keep weight off and struggle to get my ever-stiffening Achilles tendon from functioning. Mostly, I get to spend 45 minutes a morning pulling myself together for the race that today represents.
16. I’m thankful for family photos. Thos reminders of how far we have come. Although Mary and I continue to look like we are getting older, so are the people around us. It is a fascinating look back in time to days when your kids or your parents were younger too. Take a half hour and look at them someday.

I could go on and on with more things but ultimately they lead back to one thing. I’m thankful for today. I can’t say that everyday but I probably should. Everyday that goes by is one that I can’t get back and I am choosing to genuinely be thankful for the gift/challenge/struggle/joy/beauty (sometimes all in one day) that the day brings. Happy Thanksgiving 403.

Marco

It’s Thanksgiving Saturday night and I am back in the same debate I have every Thanksgiving. Why is this not a bigger thing in Canada? I know for some families, they take full advantage of the holiday and make sure that they get together to spend time. Many others will meet up with friends and celebrate the beginning of fall and enjoy time together. But for many others, this is just another long weekend and a reason to be home from work or school. Our comrades to the south think we are crazy.

To Americans, their November Thanksgiving holiday is as big as Christmas. The Thursday holiday is an un-missable event for a family, one that seeing millions of travellers partake in the busiest travel day of the year. The Christmas shopping season kicks off the following day with Black Friday and family spend hours that weekend watching College and NFL football games. Even Canadians like the US holiday more than our  version. The Thursday of football is a pseudo day off for us and we love nothing more than a good stampede at the US shopping malls where cross-border shopping is available. But what about our holiday?

Maybe we need something more traditional to be associated with the weekend. The CFL tries to add the football element for fans. Shopping malls are usually full of people looking for something to fill the time. I would venture to guess that Canadians are as patriotic about family and country as Americans are. So what gives?

My feeling is that the timing is just wrong. The holiday is kind of lost somewhere in the tailing end of summer and the spooky setup of Halloween. There is nothing in the stores to remind us of its importance and nothing that it kicks off for us in terms of another season. It’s just lost in the malaise of the turning leaves and the promise that winter is surely coming to this country. There really is nothing else but Thanksgiving to enjoy and therein lies the failing. Canadians just can’t enjoy it for what it is, a family event.

Forget about the rest of the stuff. Find your friends and family and be with them this weekend. Enjoy the time and take a deep, cool breath of the hint of winter in the air. Don’t worry about the other things that cloud our everyday lives including what are we supposed to do next week. Simply be thankful for what you have in your life today and those who share it with you. Take a minute to reflect on those that are closest to you and be thankful for what they provide to you daily. Be thankful for what you have and what you don’t have. Most of all, just enjoy the break from the frenetic, challenging lives we all hold.

Leave the shopping until December.

Happy Thanksgiving 403.

Marco

Today is family picture day. It’s something that we do every year and I am very glad that we do it. We are a melded family with 4 boys and we have both made sure that we have this record of our boys development. Since we have been together, Mary has gone out of her way to hire a photographer who can take us to different settings around the city for that wonderful picture. These pics make it into wall decor, Christmas cards and gentle reminders to our family of how old Mary and I are getting.

She struggles through the process every year. Firstly, can we find a date that suits all parties and their multitude of activities. Secondly, can she actually get everyone to show up on time when the photographer can make it. Thirdly, will mother nature cooperate? We have had some years when it’s either too sunny or too bitter cold for the moment to occur and a re-schedule is needed. Lastly, can she get these 5 boys into a semblance or colour coordination so that it doesn’t appear that we just rolled out of bed and took some selfies. Not an easy juggling act for her, but she perseveres every year and makes it worth her while.

I have no proof but I suspect that a large portion of families do not make the time for a picture that captures that exact moment in time. I am very thankful that I started this process annually when the boys were born and Mary has done the same with her boys. Many families think that they will bring the camera along throughout the year and pictures will just happen. I can tell you that it is a rare moment in my year where I can have all of the family in one place at the same time, let alone have a camera ready to take the shot. Mary and I now have a Christmas tree full of ornaments that capture every year of the boys lives and we have that perfect shot of the family to remember how young we all were at that moment.

Make some time and plan it out. The magic of the cell phone camera makes it easier than ever, for those that don’t have a photographer or the proper equipment. Kids grow up so fast and our lives are so busy that it is easy to let this one slide. You will thank me for the reminder of how precious time is as it passes.

Marco

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