Managing staff’s personal lives through work

I own a business and I spend most of my time investing in the people that make this company great. I can’t think of a better place to spend my time.

It’s the easiest statement in business. I’m only as good as my weakest staff member. But do businesses really know what that means. We, as the people that inhabit this planet, are complicated beings. We do not make things easy on other people around us and we tend to carry baggage and issue around with us. I strongly disagree with the statement that staff should “leave their personal issues at home” and come to work fully prepared to help the team. Of course, I expect everyone who works with us to do their best in this regard but to think that they can forget or fully bury their other life, is foolish. What staff really need is somewhere to go that is positive when their personal life is sideways. I feel compelled to be a resource to my colleagues when they need it most.

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I think the impact of a positive understanding of their personal issues, to be moving and remarkable to a company. Boundaries are critical and mutual understanding and respect is essential to success in staff discussions but ignorance of these situations is unacceptable. I spend many hours a day taking the pulse of my operations and gauging where the hot spots are. If I am told that a staff member is troubled or having issues at work or home, its essential that we act quickly. The staff member isn’t always going to be willing to discuss and may show resistance but in my experience, the results are remarkable.

I have had countless situations with my employees over the years and I venture to guess that the large majority turn out right. Listening to them is an art, all the while steering them towards resolving their emotions over something. Very often, the issues at work come from the issues they carry with them from home. It is our responsibility to give them some of our time to listen, often without comment. It’s never easy because often there are obvious answers to their problems but they need to work through the reasoning themselves. I also believe that we have an obligation as leaders to also be honest with the employee, at work and often when they open up about home. A bad situation can’t always be sugar coated for them but I always err on the side of giving them a solution. They need to walk through the conclusion themselves.

A colleague who feels like you are invested into their work AND home life is a colleague who will become your greatest advocate. Their problems may persist and they may ultimately not be able to clear themselves of the issue but they will be committed to you and your business cause. Take a few minutes to look at your employees with a different set of eyes. See them as people. People who have tumult in their past and future and those who, like you, are vulnerable to the situation. If you can reach them on another level, you are giving them a great gift that they will remember and desire to return in the form of valuable performance.

Marco

The lost art of the family pictures

Today is family picture day. It’s something that we do every year and I am very glad that we do it. We are a melded family with 4 boys and we have both made sure that we have this record of our boys development. Since we have been together, Mary has gone out of her way to hire a photographer who can take us to different settings around the city for that wonderful picture. These pics make it into wall decor, Christmas cards and gentle reminders to our family of how old Mary and I are getting.

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She struggles through the process every year. Firstly, can we find a date that suits all parties and their multitude of activities. Secondly, can she actually get everyone to show up on time when the photographer can make it. Thirdly, will mother nature cooperate? We have had some years when it’s either too sunny or too bitter cold for the moment to occur and a re-schedule is needed. Lastly, can she get these 5 boys into a semblance or colour coordination so that it doesn’t appear that we just rolled out of bed and took some selfies. Not an easy juggling act for her, but she perseveres every year and makes it worth her while.

I have no proof but I suspect that a large portion of families do not make the time for a picture that captures that exact moment in time. I am very thankful that I started this process annually when the boys were born and Mary has done the same with her boys. Many families think that they will bring the camera along throughout the year and pictures will just happen. I can tell you that it is a rare moment in my year where I can have all of the family in one place at the same time, let alone have a camera ready to take the shot. Mary and I now have a Christmas tree full of ornaments that capture every year of the boys lives and we have that perfect shot of the family to remember how young we all were at that moment.

Make some time and plan it out. The magic of the cell phone camera makes it easier than ever, for those that don’t have a photographer or the proper equipment. Kids grow up so fast and our lives are so busy that it is easy to let this one slide. You will thank me for the reminder of how precious time is as it passes.

Marco

The pros and cons of kids sports on a family

Another Thursday night is upon us where Mary and I are heading in opposite directions. As I roll into the driveway after work, I have barely enough time to give Mary a kiss hello while she is trying to get her son out the door to hockey practice. Wouldn’t be so bad except by the time she gets back, I will have my son at basketball practice until late enough that we will likely talk again tomorrow morning. What are we doing all of this for again? That’s right… it’s for the boys. It’s their sports and it’s the stuff that will make them good men one day. But at what cost?

I am the bigger issue here for sure. I have coached my son’s sports for 10 years and it has been my ability to stay in touch with the boys through thick and thin. I have dutifully taken my kids 2-5 nights a week to their sports and never batted an eye. Under the cloak of “it’s for the boys” anything goes I guess. It does take its toll on the boys and their social and school lives. We spend many an evening trying to get these boys to unwind from sports while plying them with homework. They sometimes complain about missing their friends and often tell us they are too tired for school the next day but it’s all part of the life mission to turn sports into their moral fabric.

From the family point of view, nothing bonds a family together like cheering for a child at a sporting event. The thrill of victory and agony of defeat makes families stick together and go back wanting for more. All of the work and suffering is worth it, win or lose in those moments. But what about the time spent apart, with the family fractured over soccer, hockey, basketball etc. Hard to say it’s worth it. I run across the occasional family who have decided that keeping the kids clear from activities of any kind, is the smart path. What the kids lose in the life experiences is what the entire family gains in sanity. I think the approach may have some merit. Many times I have longed for the simplicity of the casual evening but I think it is dictated by your kids more than the parents. Some kids simply NEED to be active. Forcing them to sit and watch a movie and pay attention is more painful then hauling them to practice. Kids NEED activity and sports is a great way to burn that energy.

I am a sports guy and I will likely always defer towards that direction. I think the social, leadership and confidence that kids gain from a team sport supersede the damage it provides a family. Easier said than done tonight when all I want to do it hit the couch with Mary….

Marco

That guy, you know the one…

I play old man’s basketball every week in the fall and winter. We are all mature men with ages ranging from 40-55 and homes, families and jobs. We all carry around the badges of pain from these Monday night games. No one wants to hurt anyone seriously and certainly doesn’t want to get hurt himself.  That is until the pressure of the game ramps up to the point where men turn into maniacs and want to rip out each others eyes.

Think hard, you can even picture the guy. Every team has one right back to the days of grade 5-6. You know, the dude who always takes things the wrong way, gets into the face of someone much bigger than them on the other team and needs everyone to bail him out. Some describe him as the heart and soul of a team but most others just call him “that idiot”. I call them Jassholes. Jerk assholes. Let’s be clear. I have had my scrapes over the years. Usually not initiated by me but certainly I have thrown my share of gas on the fire. I try to be the voice of reason amongst a group of Jassholes but sometimes it gets the best of all of us.

Men’s league wouldn’t be as fun without these Jassholes. Every guy on the floor knows who they are and you know they are going to do something or say something that will push things over the edge. Some guys turn into wallflowers around it, some try to calm the herd, I like to stoke their fire. I love the confrontation with the team Jasshole, including the ones on my team. They are always looking to bully their way through something and probably live their real lives the same way. I can’t get enough of them and the art of pissing them off.

In some ways these guys ruin a bit of good exercise and fun, in a life full of other challenges. Sometimes I feel badly for stoking these guys into something stupid but I can’t resist seeing how the mood changes and the spirit of the game rises. It makes me feel young again and frankly it makes me excited to be there. When I lose my spunk for the thrill of this hunt, I will hang up the laces. For now, I continue to pick these Jassholes out of the rosters of old men and expose their inner stupidity. It takes one to know one I guess.

The uncomfortable silence at sports tryouts

It’s baaaaacccck! The dreaded tryouts for sports teams. The flip of the calendar to September opens the annual season of parents praying and kids playing to the best of their collective potential. The problem with it all is that everyone involved hates every minute of it.

Let me start by commending the hundreds of coaches, parents and volunteers who give countless hours towards making sure that kids can play youth sports. Without their commitment, these organizations don’t succeed in the goal to give the gift of sports to kids. The yearly dance parents make between volunteering and not is a difficult one. If you get involved, the time commitment is greater and so is your ability to positively impact your kids. By staying away, time is your friend but there is always a level of doubt about whether the sports clubs are fake and equitable to all players and coaches. There is no greater dilemma than during evaluation season.

Thousands of kids are evaluating across the city this month to be placed onto community, club and school teams and are completely at the mercy of the system that allows for fair evaluation. Parents secretly wonder whether their child was properly assessed or given a fair chance for evaluators to see what they can do. There is no more uncomfortable scene then sitting in the parents area of an evaluation, reading the eyes and minds of parents secretly willing their child to excel over the others. While this is occurring they are screaming with their eyes towards the coordinators to look at their child or give him another chance! All the while, they play nice with the other parents.

Why does it get to this point? Firstly, if parents would get involved in their clubs, they would get a better sense of the inner workings of that club and the evaluation process. Secondly, the clubs must do a better job in educating the parents and kids of the nuances of the process. Both would allow better communication and remove the uncomfortable disconnect between the two. The process isn’t broken but it could be streamlined for the benefit of all.

Marco

The contract of dogs

When Mary and I discussed the prospect of moving in together I never knew that it would come with conditions. Often the conditions are complicated and serious in nature. Marriage, more kids, a new house, moving cities are of the “we better sit down and discuss this” variety. Not me. My Mary had a simple request. She wanted two dogs.

Seems easy on the surface. Go select a couple of pooches, buy some food, beds and toys and welcome them to the family. Even for a non-dog guy like me, I could make that happen, right?

They are cute and they are destructive. They cuddle and they bite your ankle. They shock you with their compassion and then they take a whizz on your foot. They are complicated and no one really wants to deal with their complications. The kids always say, “I will look after them, walk them, clean up after them”. Blah, blah, blah. Now I am not claiming to be the family resource for the pups. I am simply a help to Mary’s passion to making sure the dogs are loved but it really needs to be a team effort.

We have a plan, the kids will be with us for 12-13 years and so will these pups. After that, Mary and I ride off into the retirement sunset together. Maybe dogs will be a long term part of my life for the long haul after that too.

Marco

The Dilemma of driving

My two teenage boys both drive and they share the same car. This is a major pushing point in this house as they have to schedule a plan to share. This is impossible

In my day, there was no car when you earned your licence. You begged and pleaded with your parents daily to see if they would let you drive the car. The idea of taking the car to school was a non-starter and you were lucky to cruise the streets on a Friday night in your family mini van. God forbid you had another sibling also driving as you might never feel the fine Corinthian velvet of your dad’s car.

In today’s world, kids want a car, now. Although there is a vast after-market of used beaters rolling around the city, it’s the cost of the operation of the vehicle that sinks most kids (and therefore their parents) before they get off the driveway. Teens have no perspective of the cost of running these beaters across the city, let alone the safety of doing so. My boys are learning the hard way.

My kids were lucky to have a car left for them from my divorce. We never planned on them both driving at the same time, let alone the same vehicle. I forced my oldest son to get his own insurance set up before he was 18. This left me exempt from his rash of speeding and parking tickets in those early days and my second oldest is headed for the same expensive fate. Now we are trying to manage the “division” of the vehicle by selling it and dividing the proceeds into 2 beaters. When I wanted a car as a youth, I was completely on my own to source the car, pay for it and make it run. Today the internet has streamlined this process and makes the dream of that 15 year old sports car, a reality. The chess game of selling one car to buy two is yet to come but will be the next evolution of their driving life.

Stay tuned for the continuation of the saga.

I can’t even watch anymore…but I will.

My love scale used to be simple. It was Mary, kids, pizza, everything else. My undying love for someone other than my Mary has reached an obsession. This love is for the Toronto Blue Jays and they are effectively running around on me, nightly.

jays-logo-1They sucked me back in. From my adolescence in the 80’s to last season, I have had this urge to will them to win. I’m not greedy and demanding a World Series Championship. I would settle for a playoff berth and a run into the later rounds. Watching them implode the past 10 days has been ferociously painful for me. I won’t quit on them and frankly believe they will right the ship but I’m convinced I can’t watch the moment unfold anymore.

They are the kind of team that you want to root for. A bunch of looney dudes with bad hair and puffed out egos traipsing around the field with the ability to hit a ball further than a man should. Other times, you just can’t watch the train wreck of strikeouts with men on base and blown bullpen outings where the game seems in hand. I know that for 20 years, I didn’t care about baseball in September and I should be enjoying every nail biting moment of the season. In reality, it sucks to sweat this out nightly. I pray for a blowout for the Jays and I white knuckle the tight ones. I am elated when the Jays take a lead and the lows are so low when the opposition punches back.

I know i have a few more weeks of this sweating and it will either be over or I will sigh relief. Then the sweating will continue until its over. I’m a Jays fan and I can’t stop watching.

Marco

Not just any other day…

It was 15 years ago today that the world changed. September 11, 2001 has become synonymous with the terror that we now know exists in the world. I cannot express the sorrow I feel every year as this day comes around. Everything that has become the new normal in security, travel etc, has come from this event.

I have made several trips to NYC over the years and always make a point to stop at the site of the twin towers to see what progress has been made. I marvel at the resiliency of that city and the commitment it took from their people to rebuild. The last visit I made was a year ago and I witnessed the creation of the new WTC site. If you have never been, you need to make a point to visit to comprehend the thousands of names that surround the dual fountains and the humanity that was lost that day.

As we launch this site, we must take time to recognize the freedoms that we all hold from those who protect us daily. Without their commitment to our safety, this site and our luxuries may not exist.

Not just any other day.